determined bitch.

21st October 2010

Question with 1 note

parlezvousfrenchie asked: This is a little long but I promise all of it is necessary =P
& i hope it helps
while i'm glad you appreciate the realism i offer on my page, i hope my musings don't take any of the sunshine out of your days, nicole. there's a lot right and beautiful about the world; i just feel like people can't ignore the other side, which a lot of people tend to do. I’m pretty cynical about a lot of things so I notice and express truths about life I feel people neglect. i guess i'll put it this way, i'm glad you're not as naive as some other people out there [=
as for advice, i do know how you feel right now, and i mean that honestly: i've had academic disappointments (a lott of them), i've had eating/dieting/body image problems for the past 7-8 years, and i've been diagnosed with depression (and medicated for manic-depression). And i only just turned 18 so we're even similar in age.
the truth is, only you can know exactly what you want to do about how you're feeling; everyone's a little different. since i've been in a very similar situation to yours and I’ve taken both roads, i can tell you what can happen if you choose either choice:
you can pretend everything is okay; i've done that for a few years because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. but know that doing so can take a toll on you. i won't talk you out of doing that because, frankly, sometimes it is easier to keep things to yourself. but if you do, use tumblr, or use me even, to vent or to put your thoughts somewhere. sometimes if you keep everything all in your head, you can feel more alone.
truthfully, the second option is the textbook “better” way to deal with everything: telling your family or friends. but if you choose to do this, be careful. The people you choose to tell might not react they way you expect them to or want to.

friends might not understand the severity of your feelings. we’re girls, you know? other girl friends might say things like ‘I don’t like how I look either,’ and not understand how difficult it really is. the same goes for possible depression. they might not understand that you could truly have that disorder; they might just think that you’re feeling sad that day or that you’re in a “funk”.

If you were to tell any friends, make sure that it’s a friend you trust more than anything. a person that you share your deepest thoughts or fears with. someone who will really listen to you and not take what you say and make your conversation about them; someone who will really take your words to heart and help you, whether its by getting you help or just being there for you. if you do choose to tell a friend, think about this person veryy carefully.

parents are a little different. I figured that I had depression in about 11th grade but didn’t say anything; my parents found out about it when my ADHD started causing me to become forgetful, we went to a neurologist, and she suggested that I see a psychiatrist as well and he officially told my parents that I had depression. my father completely dismissed it, and my mother said that it was my fault due to my lack of religious discipline (but that’s another story for another day =P). and they knew nothing of my eating disorders.

but don’t let this deter you; your parents might react completely differently. my relationship with my parents isn’t great, but yours might be. if you feel more comfortable telling one parent things more than the other one, tell that one how you’re feeling, even if that’s the one you don’t see as often. what’s important is that you’re comfortable.

but also know that they might want to get you help. I think it’s good that you recognize that you have these problems, but its up to you to decide if you truly want to get help. because then you could just tell your parents “hey, I’ve been feeling down and overwhelmed for a while; I may be depressed and I’d like help.” if you’re truly uncomfortable with the mess you think you might be turning into, then please, do get help. the world can be an ugly place but you don’t have to feel badly about yourself because of it. don’t make the mistake of “settling” with how you feel. you don’t have to. no one deserves to feel depressed and no one deserves to not like how they feel about themselves. you don’t deserve to.

what’s also important, though, is that you know that you’re allowed privacy. you don’t have to tell anyone everything…if you don’t feel comfortable telling even your closest friends about your eating/dieting you don’t have to; you can keep things to yourself. or if you want to get help or just want to see if you really are on the brink of becoming depressed but don’t want to come out and say it to your parents, tell them that the separation and the moving and school is starting to get a little overwhelming for you. you don’t have to disclose how overwhelming it is or exactly what effects on you it has, but you can still throw that idea out there. that way you can still get it off your chest without necessarily raising the red flag.

one last piece of advice: if you really just want to talk about how you’re feeling, but you don’t know yet how much help you might want or need or you feel like I did and don’t want to worry the people closest to you; if you just want to let it all out, as a last resort, ask to see your doctor. tell them how you’re feeling. it’s a human being to at least tell what’s going on and unless you say something about harming yourself or harming another, they can’t tell your parents anything if you ask them to keep what you say to them confidential.

I know this was a little long, and I apologize, but I wanted to show you that I really do care about your concern and that I want you to feel like I really tried to answer your question, as opposed to just dismissing it.

I know how hard life can get and I hope I gave you significant advice; I’m here if you need me for absolutely anything and I mean that =)

-- Frenchie

:))))))) thank you so much… you have no idea how much youve helped me. i never really know who to talk to because i think everyone is judging me but with my fellow tumblrs, no one judges and im so happy you put so much effort into this because it actually really really means alot to me! i have one friend who im thinking of confiding in…. his become close lately and we have a little relationship going for the past few months… but he has told me that him and his ex are no longer because she was heaps depressed and was anerexic or something and it brought him down. i want to open up to him so bad, but im scared he is going to run and not come back. i think ill think alittle longer about my exact plan that i will want to do. thanks again so so so soooo much… you dont even know me, and you seem to care so much. thank you. <3